Anyways, throwing some content out there. Because I'm very attached to LJ and I hate seeing it dying off.
I see a lot of artwork in my days, and a lot of fantasy artwork. Much of which is completely awful. But I recently came across the work of a guy called Jon Volden who has a plethora of stuff out there, calanders, collections of his 'fantasy art', books, all sorts. And on the one hand I sort of applaud his dedication, he's produced a lot of stuff. But on the other hand, it is without shadow of a doubt the worst visual images I've ever seen.
So join with me now as we tour some of these masterpieces.
What says authentic fantasy world quite so much as a badly photoshopped stock castle shoved in the background of your medieval maiden with her spectacularly cheap looking heels? Well boy, I just don't know:
Maybe it's the rough edge cropping around the fence post that truly elevates this piece. Or the way the lighting is subtley blended so the whole composition just gels together.
I shall put the rest of these behind a cut TO SAVE YOUR SANITY!
And girls in bikinis may be vaguely not work safe.
( Read more... )
And zebra print? Who even knew they did rubber zebra print on bikinis.
I think we've all learnt something.
A little over a year ago the average cost to me of selling an average item on Ebay was £1.20.
Then their price increase came in and this jumped to £2.20. This was more or less dealable.
As of April 1st, the average price will jump to £5.60 when they bring in new pricing structures that are, at first glance, so utterly insane that I can only imagine they have been specifically designed to destroy the Royal Mail. Their prices are going up so much that it flings the door open for private companies to compete, and as soon as you have private companies snapping up most of the mail the RM used to carry, that's it, the Royal Mail are done.
I honestly can't get my head around what they are thinking.
Edited to add: Okay, there is small print, so long as my packages don't go over 8cm in depth, they will be classified as 'small parcels', so won't jump to £5.60. I'll just have to make sure everything fits under 8cm.
Or a 16cm cube. This will make trips to the Post Office fun, 'No no, see, my parcel might not fit through your 8cm slot, but it will squish into your 16cm cube, but not the 32cm slot.'
It was so bad, I was dared to post it in my journal. And having no sense of shame. I present to you all, Simon's Awful Love Poem #1:
I have a sock
I like to mock
mocky mocky mock
Sock sock sock
CAN WE HAVE SEX NOW PLZ?
And not being content to let a dead horse pass by without flogging it, Simon's Awful Love poem #2
Your eyes so blue
Like brilliant sky
Shit, your eyes are blue aren't they?
Well whatever colour they are,
Like the sky.
Or the ocean.
You'll just need to have sex with me.
Which reminds me of this piece I penned some time ago for Cthulhu's Valentines day, which I may as well include here for the record.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hold still baby
While I tentacle fuck you.
Simon's Awful Love poem #3.
You move me
like an escalator.
See what I did there?
And finally, Simon's Awful Love Poem #4.
- COLIN BEX - Wessex regionalists
- DAVID BISHOP - Elvis Loves Pets Party
- JIM DUGGAN - Peace Party
- RAY HALL - Beer, Baccy and Crumpet Party
- HOWLING LAUD HOPE - Monster Raving Loony William Hill Party
- MARIA HUTCHINGS - Conservative
- DIANE JAMES - UK Independence Party
- DR IAIN MACLENNAN - National Health Action Party
- KEVIN MILBURN - Christian Party "Proclaiming Christ's Lordship"
- JOHN O'FARRELL - Labour
- DARREN PROCTER - Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition
- DANNY STUPPLE - Independent
- MIKE THORNTON - Liberal Democrats
- MICHAEL WALTERS - The English Democrats - "Putting England First!"
Rather disappointed that the monster raving loonies have apparently sold out to sponsorship though.
2. Silver Linings Playbook.
4. Men In Black 3.
5. Winter's Bone.
I don't really have anything interesting to say about MiB3, I hadn't even realised they'd made a third one until I noticed it on Lovefilm. And having watched it, I kinda still feel a bit like I hadn't even noticed they'd made one. It was just sort of... inoffensively forgettable.
It didn't really work without Tommy Lee Jones either.
Winter's Bone by contrast was absolutely fantastic. Loved it to bits. And despite being somewhat bleak and depressing, the central warmth of the family unit and that it had a happy ending (thank the gods, I was worried half way through that it was going to be one of those movies with a miserably depressing ending) left me on an up rather than a down.
It was, despite the dark, a fundamentally hopeful movie I thought.
Plus my secret movie girlfriend was in it.